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Date: Sat, 15 Dec 2001 13:31:58 +0100
From: "Jan van Gastel"
Subject: Re: Blues Primer

Read this one (and more) already on Charley Musselwhites site, at:
http://www.charlie-musselwhite.com/cm_words.htm

Jan
http://www.geocities.com/janvangastel/Harmonica/

- ----- Original Message -----
From: "Kevin M. Duggan"
To:
Cc:
Sent: Saturday, December 15, 2001 4:15 AM
Subject: Blues Primer

>
> How to sing the Blues . . . A Primer
>
> ----------------------------------------
> Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
>
> "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less
> you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good
> woman, with the meanest face in town."
>
> The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right,
> repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got
> a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good
> woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret
> Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
>
> The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you
> stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.
>
> Blues cars:
> Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down
> trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility
> Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a
> southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools
> ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the
> blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
>
> Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In
> Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric
> chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
>
> Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or
> any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is
> probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and
> Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You
> cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
>
> A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman
> with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you
> skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator
> be chomping on it is.
>
> You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The
> lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
> dumpster.
>
> Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c)
> Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the
> Blues: a) Dillard's; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League
> institutions; d) Golf courses
>
> No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit,
> 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
>
> Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You
> older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis;
> d) You can't be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your
> teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in
> Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.
>
> Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.
> Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly
> white people also got a leg up on the blues.
>
> If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
> it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap
> wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black
> coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b)
> Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast.
>
> If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's
> a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is
> another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance
> abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a
> Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting
> liposuction.
>
> 16) Some Blues names for women:
> a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling
>
> Some Blues names for men:
> a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie
>
> Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and
> Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot
> in Memphis.
>
> Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical
> infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b) First name (see
> above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last
> name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For
> example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
> Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
>
> I don't care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you
> cannot sing the blues.
> --
>
>
>